You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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