Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
