What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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