let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's a Shit stain on my heart
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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