I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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