ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
