Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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