After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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