PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
