god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
