You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
