Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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