Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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