What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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