My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
