so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
