I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
