she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
