i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
