do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
