I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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