If that was your dad, he is hot
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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