I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
