Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
