I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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