I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
