i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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