i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
