I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
