i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
