Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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