I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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