Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
