You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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