I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
