Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
