Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
