Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
