Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
