No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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