Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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