i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
