Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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