how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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