Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
