I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
