She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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