i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
