I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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