the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
