I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Someone shit on the floor
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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