Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
