The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
